Well, I’m home again. (Actually, I’m at work right now There’s nothing really like going straight from finals and jumping head first into an eight-hour-a-day work schedule. I’ve been graciously allowed to help my mom in the packaging department of the photo imaging lab my parents work at; Dad has worked here since I was two or three years old, so I’m pretty well aquainted with the owner and her husband. Whenever I’m in town and need a job, I can always come here. It’s really quite wonderful, even though the chemicals and machinery give me a headache. I probably don’t appreciate it as much as I should (the job, that is, not the headache. I don’t appreciate the headache and I don’t plan on it.) This is just temporary, however, until I can find another full-time job, hopefully something I’ll enjoy doing.
I feel somewhat like a caged animal, something I’ve been relating to quite a bit lately; if you’ve been around me at all in the past week or so, then you’ve heard me say this. I mean it. I have all of these plans, all of these things I want to do, but I’m just not quite able to put them into action yet. I still lack too many things–money, time, motivation. Creativity is welling up inside of me but I lack the knowledge and talent to set it free properly…every now and then it just hits me and I think I’ll go crazy.
It’s like my dog, Cricket. You know how dogs are, if there’s a ball rolling away from them they’ll chase it down and “kill” it. Cricket is no exception to that stereotype…but I remember several years ago, I would throw the ball but hold her back just for a couple seconds. She would tremble all over and watch the ball intently with this crazed look in her eyes. Then, I would release her, and off she’d go like a rocket after that ridiculous toy. I feel like Cricket, sometimes, being held back and just waitng to be released. The horrible thing is that, just like my dog, I have no control over whatever holds me back. I’m just waiting, which may or may not be a bad thing.
I waited by the radio for about an hour today, surfing between three different stations waiting for somebody to play Remedy by Jason Mraz, which is already my “song of the summer”. Finally, they played it. Tonight I’m going to buy paint for my room. Green paint. Now, before you start questioning my sanity, may I remind you that all greens are not created equal. This green is something of a mossy or celery color. (I can’t remember the name, but its got “willow” in it.) I’m so excited I can hardly stand it!
I’ve been tearing my border off of my walls at home; at first I sort of felt like I was ripping my childhood off of the walls, but I’ve gotten over that. I can’t get rid of my childhood if I’m still a child–that’s my reasoning.